Love Languages

 I’m a big fan of Gary Chapman’s best selling book, “The Five Love Languages“. As I talked about this weekend, this book really helped Lori and I develop our communication in marriage. Early on, we just weren’t communicating love well, no matter how hard we tried.

Here’s a startling revelation: men and women are different.  Our style of communicating is different too.  What we mean when we speak or act may differ dramatically from one person to another; and how we hear or interpret what’s been said may be equally diverse.  Too, the whole realm of non-verbal communication is limitless, so it’s no small wonder that signals get mixed, and feelings get trampled – often by accident. 

Let’s get intentional about how we communicate our love to our spouse.  Better yet, let’s get intentional about gaining an understanding of how our spouse receives love messages.  In “The Five Love Languages”, we are told that all of us fall into one of five primary love languages.  Maybe it’s time we took a crash course in a new dialect, sitting down with our spouse to find out which of these most resonates with them: 

            Words of Affirmation

            Quality Time

            Receiving Gifts

            Acts of Service

            Physical Touch

In any language we can agree with the poet Robert Frost:   “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”   Make sure the language you use clearly communicate to your spouse just how much you treasure them.

Weekend Reflections

This has probably been my favorite marriage series we’ve ever done. I’ve enjoyed just hitting some main ideas and giving people food for thought as they leave. I really feel we’ve helped people connect with the living Word of Scripture, and we’re seeing marriages changed because of it. Here’s some thoughts from the past weekend…

• It was cool to have Danny Larsh leading worship this weekend. He did a great job, even with broken strings and his mic cutting out.
• Our new speakers sounded AWESOME, especially by the time we got the mic issues fixed in third service
• Ian did a great job on the sound board, adjusting to all the issues we were having with mics.
• Palm Valley’ers responded in a huge way by providing Thanksgiving dinner for nearly 1,000 families. Phoenix Rescue Mission told us they’ve never seen a chuch come through for them like you did this week. that’s why I love pastoring this group!
• Shopping to fill our food boxes made me hungry for turkey with the trimmings, bring on thanksgiving
• The vow renewal service next week is going to rock. I’ve heard so many stories from people about how special this is going to be to them!
• Mighty To Save is just one kickin’ worship song.
• Raiders keep losing, what’s up with that?
• ASU keeps winning, loving that!
• People keep coming to Christ every weekend, it doesn’t get any better!

7 “C’s” to Fighting Fair

It’s inevtiable in marriage that you’re going to have disagreements. One of the keys in marriage is finding out how to communicate through the issues so that you end up even closer to each other than when you began. Last weekend I talk about communication being a unifier in your relationship, and I wanted to give some practical tips to apply.

Benjamin Franklin once said: “There never was a good war or bad peace.”  So, if you’re going argue (which you will), you will want to be sure your motives and gestures advance the cause of peace and not escalate tensions.  This is especially true in marriage, where wisdom comes in the form of “don’t”s just as much as it comes in the form of “do”s.  To ensure win-win outcomes, you can “fight fair” by keeping these simple concepts on mind:

DON’T …
1.      … Compare
Embedded in comparisons is a blatant disrespect for who your spouse it.  Keep your comments centered on the two of you, and leave the proverbial “they” out of it.

2.      … Condemn
It’s so easy to fall into the negativity trap when a fight is underway.  Keep the gloves off, and remember to take a deep
breath instead of being critical.  Listen instead.
3.      … Command
Control maneuvers have sabotaged many an otherwise productive dialogue.  Be careful not to boss or parent your spouse.
4.      … Challenge
Threats and bullying will not get you where you want to go.  Every discussion, and certainly every fight needs to be bathed
in respect.
5.      … Condescend
Whether verbalized or implied, when you treat your spouse in a condescending way you’re giving the message that you’re
better than they are, or that they just don’t quite measure up. 
6.      … Contradict
In other words, don’t nit-pick the subject to death.  It isn’t necessary to argue to get to the bottom of something.  Ask
questions instead, and remember to do so with respect.
7.      … Confuse
Some would avoid accountability or conflict by manipulation.  It’s a covert maneuver to be on top and to make the spouse
look or feel inadequate.

In the end, remember: You can be right, or you can be married.  

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  2 The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.

crazy funny

Today in services we showed one of the funniest videos of all time. Here’s some background…

Last year my dad moved his mother (my grandma) to Phoenix, and into a retirement community. It has been a great move for her, and she loves her new home. The management asked my dad to give a quote about the place for a newspaper ad, and he obliged. However, his quote didn’t come across well. Actually, it came across so badly that it ended up on the Jay Leno show. Enough said, prepare to laugh,

here’s the video of my dad on Jay Leno…

Pitfalls Of Marriage

Okay, here’s the deal. As we continue the series “Your Best Marriage Ever”, I need your help preparing next week’s message, “Avoiding Common Pitfalls“. So here’s your chance to contribute to the development of a message, and to help me hit the issues that people are really dealing with.

Question: “What are the common pitfalls marriages face?”

I’m leaving it fairly open on purpose, so that I can get your raw thoughts. If you’d like to give input, email your answer(s) to my assistant, Kathleen Flanagan at kflanagan@palmvalley.org.

Thanks in advance for your help, and make sure you bring people with you next weekend! 

I’m Pumped

I’m pumped about this weekend, ton of cool stuff going on…

• We’re sponsoring 1,000 families for thanksgiving through Phoenix Rescue Mission. We finished our boxes tonight, excited to take them to the picnic tomorrow. I love seeing my kids get excited about helping others. Lori and I are really trying to instill the value of compassion in them.
• Church picnic tomorrow should be a blast. Brent and his team have done a great job of preparing for a couple thousand people to hang out. I think people will be amazed when they see how many people actually attend PVC all in one place together.
• No Saturday service, which means I get a bit of a mental break this weekend. 4 services can be grueling, and I’m looking forward to sitting at home tomorrow night and watching the ASU game with my boys.
• Teaching Sunday about communication, and I’m feeling good about the message. The creative team has really hit it out of the park on this series, and I feel like they’ve given me a ton of help in message preparation. Make sure you bring people who don’t know Christ with you this weekend, they’ll be glad you did!

Pre-school

I’m often asked if I know of any good daycare’s/preschool’s in the area. I know it’s a major concern for a lot of parents. Well, I happen to know of a great one. If you’re looking for care for your child, check out…

Great Leaps Preschool

This school was started by two incredible gals, Heidi Gray and Nicole Palmer, both of whom attend Palm Valley. I think highly of both.

Praying

Join with me in praying for so many affected by the fires in California. With over 1,000,000 people displaced you know there’s a lot of hurt right now. Let’s pray together for the safety of those fighting these fires, and for the quick return to life as normal as possible for those who have suffered loss.

Weekend Reflections

I know I’m late on weekend reflections, but my computer crashed Sunday, so I’ve been working the old school way. Thanks to Darius for the use of his laptop today! Here’s some thoughts from the weekend…

• the new environments are awesome. We basically doubled the space in every one of our kids areas, giving us areas that are much more conducive to kids having a blast, and allowing us to reach more kids for Christ. That’s a win-win
• The message on covenant marriage really hit home. I’m so thankful that I’ve never doubted Lori’s commitment to me, and I know that no matter what we face in life we’ll be “walking together”. Check out the video if you missed it.
• People are jazzed about our vow renewal service coming up on November 10-11. We’ll be giving couples the opportunities to affirm their wedding vows in each one of our services.
• Now that it’s cooler people are hanging out on the patio after services. It’s cool to see people connecting and building friendships!
• I love the vibe at Palm Valley right now. People are so on fire for Christ, and there’s such a spirit of kindness and grace, awesome!
• “The premise of marriage is that marriage is a promise”. There you go.
• Raiders lost again, there goes the super bowl.
• Suns start next week, this is our year!
• Huge props to the pre-school department. I love the care my daughter receives each week, even when she’s in there all 4 services like this weekend. She wasn’t ready to leave. Thanks for loving on her, and the 300 other kids you have each week.
• We’re getting new sound equipment next week, should help take our service sound to another level of clarity.
• I love our church. Palm Valley’ers, you rock! thanks for being so awesome. Can’t wait to see you next weekend.

What A Weekend

Man, God was obviously at work this weekend at Palm Valley Church. I hear that 14 people went to the Fresh Start table, inviting Christ into their lives. Here’s some other highlights…

• The Student Ministries moved to their new environments and times, and I hear it was off the hook. The game room was a huge hit and the worship environment was much more conducive to growth. Darius and his team are hitting it out of the park every week.
• We moved all of our children’s ministry environments, and it flowed incredibly well. Every ministry now has more space, and it allows us to reach more people for Christ.
• First week with the pro-kids policy. Man, it was awesome to preach through 4 services w/o one cell phone or baby crying. Don’t get me wrong, I love babies (have 4), but my adhd makes it hard to concentrate through any distractions.
• I taught to  singles from Genesis 22, Abraham sacrificing Isaac. It made absolutely no sense when we first thought of it, but man did it preach. God used it in a big way!
• I’ve had 2 couples contact me this week because they were living together and want to get married. I love when we speak the truth in love and God uses it to change lives.
• Went to the ASU/Washington game Saturday night with all 3 of my boys. Someone gave us tickets that included free food. My kids ate their fill and had a blast
• Jan and Amy are incredible. They serve all weekend backstage and make sure me and the praise team are on cue. They take great care of us and do it with a smile. Thanks gals!
• I loved standing on stage as we sang “How Great Is Our God”. During all 4 services people were worshiping with their hearts, and it showed on their faces. Makes a pastor feel good

That’s it for today. Make sure you invite people to come with you next weekend, it’s going ot be incredible as we continue “Your Best Marriage Ever”.